I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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