if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
