1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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