Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
