just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
