Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
