i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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