Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
