it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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