there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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