hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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