ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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