Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
