my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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