Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
