There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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