i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He? As in you personified your dick?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
