The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if i died would you start the facebook group?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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