I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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