Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
