Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
