I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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