Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
