No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
nutella sex= disaster
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
