dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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