So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
