1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
