Define "chronic" masturbator.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize