is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
