I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
