Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize