my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
