the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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