that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
