I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
