She's JV to your varsity
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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