good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
