My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
