I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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