don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
