She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
