I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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