is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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