I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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