she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
