Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
