Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
