We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
