It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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