I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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