I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize