Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
