Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
