I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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