So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
