He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
