Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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