no, he came in my armpit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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