I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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