Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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