I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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