Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
