ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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