sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Vodka?
Forever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
