What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
