if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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