Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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