While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
