sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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