It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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