You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
