it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize