Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
