your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
