Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
